I had to laugh at myself now.
I am so hungry. Yesterday I bought a tuna steak and some shrimps...but then I realized they were still moving in that bag so I left the shrimps for today.
LOL...that is the advantage of living near the coast, that you actually get the fresh food (or alive, moreover). I never buy alive things though, because I can't eat them then. I can't even clean the fish by myself. LOL
Anyway...
I was hoping that the shrimps will be dead by today. Today morning I was getting the milk and heard a creepy sound....the sound of their legs scratching into that plastic bag. ewwww....gave me the creeps.
By now I'm really wondering what to do...it's 18:22 and I had no lunch, just some bread and cheese in the morning.
I checked them up...and one is still alive. LOL
If I could, I would throw him back into the water. I definitely can't throw them into hot oil, but that would be the most human thing to do. Damn.
Should I leave this guy die while I take out the rest? The more I think of them, the less hungry I feel.
Damn...I miss a man in the house, rofl.
Few days ago I went to check up on Dominik and saw a huge spider on the wall... and I never kill spiders.
Spiders are useful. I take them out.
So I took something and opened a window...but then I though: yeah well, way to go Tanja...it's like -4 outside, he will live long and prosper for sure and have a great life for like 4 seconds, probably will freeze while faling out of the window lol.
So I took him to the bathroom....put it into the bathtub, he was so scared lol....it was so obvious he was running for his life when I put him down. Poor creature.
And yes, I am totally crazy.
And totally a nice person.
I wish everyone was so sensitive about other creatures in this world. When I look at the news I can only wish for that.
I think I will go out buy some more bread.
Epilogue
19:22 Hungryyyy
Told myself: ok now Tanja, really....you're a big girl....go and look.
So I investigated and looked..it was 4 shrimps in the bag....2 dead, 1 probably dead (no, I didn't poke him) and 1 alive and kicking. And it's not a good day to die today for him so it seems.
F**ck. The more I watched him wiggle, the more it came clear to me that there's no way I'll be eating these guys. I adore crabs, but...I prefer them well done.
And the more I looked at him, the more alive he got....the poor guy was freezing in the fridge. Should I let him out, perhaps he'll walk? (a thought appeared in my mind)
Sure, let's just make him a shoulder pet, lol
And then: Okay, Tanja....let's find a way to kill it..and you're a vet. THINK!
LOL...no aether...besides, not sure it's healthy to eat aenesthesised food.
And then I thought of a solution: the FREEZER.
I read somewhere that freezing is a nice way to die, like in a dream, you just fall asleep! Nice dreams shrimpy....hasta la vista baby.
and, yes I know, people go to the fish market not to have to buy and eat frozen seafood.
*sitting in front a salad bowl* Yeah, well...I guess I could easily fit into a buddhist temple...
nedjelja, 30. prosinca 2007.
nedjelja, 23. prosinca 2007.
Mark
LOL, you gotta love my son Mark.
He's so funny and so intelligent.
Even my sitter which is working with kids for over a decade says she hasn't had such a smart kid, like if he was 9 or something.
Okay, the fact aside that he's found out about Santa...got all that figured out in a minute, even figured out it was a job some people are taking, putting a fake beard...doing commercials and so on.
But I admire him for the fact he knows exactly what to say to achieve something.
Right now, he's not using it in a good way though. He's using it to punish us, my ex and me for splitting up.
As I picked him up at friday, he told me he didn't miss me at all (to which I told him that this is too bad since I missed HIM a lot).
And yeah, I know he said this because he was mad at me, for not seeing me for a week he spent with his dad. Still, it hurts.
And then he said that daddy will buy him better xmas presents.
Ok...now that hurt too.
But, how come he knows we're actually the ones buying presents???
But I think my ex got even a bigger punch in his face.
Mark told him that we went to the city to find a new daddy for him.
But that he's still the best daddy there is.
Ahahahahahaha.
No wonder my ex snoops around the appartment each time he comes here.
ROFL.
Oh, this so much made my day!
He's so funny and so intelligent.
Even my sitter which is working with kids for over a decade says she hasn't had such a smart kid, like if he was 9 or something.
Okay, the fact aside that he's found out about Santa...got all that figured out in a minute, even figured out it was a job some people are taking, putting a fake beard...doing commercials and so on.
But I admire him for the fact he knows exactly what to say to achieve something.
Right now, he's not using it in a good way though. He's using it to punish us, my ex and me for splitting up.
As I picked him up at friday, he told me he didn't miss me at all (to which I told him that this is too bad since I missed HIM a lot).
And yeah, I know he said this because he was mad at me, for not seeing me for a week he spent with his dad. Still, it hurts.
And then he said that daddy will buy him better xmas presents.
Ok...now that hurt too.
But, how come he knows we're actually the ones buying presents???
But I think my ex got even a bigger punch in his face.
Mark told him that we went to the city to find a new daddy for him.
But that he's still the best daddy there is.
Ahahahahahaha.
No wonder my ex snoops around the appartment each time he comes here.
ROFL.
Oh, this so much made my day!
subota, 22. prosinca 2007.
Well, I guess this christmass will be a bit different.
Other people are buying tons of food, cakes and sweets...I went to the supermarket to buy wine and baccardi breezers, lol.
But I bought a bottle of my favorite wine, it will be a treat, lol.
i have to stop thinking. How about a total mental and emotional anesthesia?
Went to the last chiropractic treatment, feeling ok now again. Went to the market, bought some nice fresh vegetables, some domestic food, made a nice brunch for myself when I came home.
I hate eating alone though. But, well....such times I guess.
Yedsterday I felt a bit sad after everyone left, and my ex took the kids, but I remembered there are people even more sad than I am, I am not at all doing bad.
So I transfered the last cash I had on my account to my nanny which was really depressed for some reason (and I think it's the money) and sent an SMS to a poor woman which used to help me with housekeeping (while I could afford paying for it) telling her to come pick up some new winter boots and clothes for her grandson, which my kids didn't use.
Yeah, when you're sad, just look around...you'll find someone who is much sader and in more need than you are...and help him. You'll make both feel better. Making someone happy is the best you can do.
Good karma, besides.
Today I bought myself an olive tree. Instead of an xmas tree....lol I'm doing everything different from the rest of the world. But I read olive branches are a symbol of Christ and of peace. So....nothing wrong in that, better than those millions of trees cut off.
Besides, if I won't have the kids over, no use and all the xmas decoration is being kept at my ex's house, and he will probably use it. although I spent a fortune on really classy decoration 2 yrs ago. Naaah, I want that back, I'll tell him to bring it. hahaha
He called me today, while I was in the car. Asked me how we will arrange things for xmas. I told him no idea....and that we can't cut them in half, and splitting them up -one having one and the other having the other doesn't
make much sense.
And he said "this is something you chose, by yourself"
How? I asked. I just accepted what life sent to me. You were the one who moved out, remember?
Yeah, but I was telling you for two years that things needed to be changed....
Yeah, great, now he's making me responsible for it.
I hung up and realized he made me cry.
Driving and crying..just like a scene from a film.
But just few deep breaths, and I got over it. No idea what he wants and why he said that.
I wanna move on. Be independant of him. Of course at times like these, I imagine us being together and ask myself how it would feel for me. And for a second I have feelings for him...but then I remember all the put downs, how miserable he made me feel...and no....no living in the past...
Looking at my rear view mirror..
Looking at my rear view mirror
I can make it dissappear..
I can make it disappear, have no fear!
I like pleasure spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane
It's my aeroplane...
petak, 14. prosinca 2007.
Challenges
There are times in life, when a strong cold front wind is blowing right into you, preventing you from achieving things the way you want them. Of course, it's so much nicer to have a wind in your back, pushing you forward, but how often is life that smooth? And do we really learn and grow if things are so easy?
Nope...it's those storms, and front wind situations that show us the material we're made from.
And there is a saying..heard it on from that german CEO on the conference: "that in situations when this front wind blows, some people build walls, and some people spread their sails."
In these 100 days, since life made a turn I didn't see coming I've had a strong front wind blowing into me. At first it shocked me, it was so strong and unexpected it almost turned me over. But it didn't.
I made myself small perhaps in the beginning....searching for a shelter. Trembling cold at times too, I admit, it's not easy to be exposed like that. But it's easier to be a leaf than a branch, since resisting the wind of change will occasionaly break you.
So....I said, okay. that's the way it is now. I haven't been prepared for it, but that's how things are now, so let's face them. I faced it. The more I faced it, the more I opened to it, the more I accepted it, the easier it was. I didn't feel like a totally lost person, more like a kite flying on this wind, accepting each direction it will take me, being aware of the fact it can break me in any second, but having so much confidence in life it will take me to someplace better for me.
And it DID.
You know about polarity. About two faces of one thing. So...I think I managed to change the polarity from this thing, and turn a strong front wind into a boosting wind into my back I enjoy flying on.
I made the best of it. It took a lot of being centered, focused, spiritual, believing, having faith in life and Universe and just being patient. And yes... praying too. First for my kids, then for love, then for my ex, then for all of us.
I have never felt so right in life, being in the right place at the right moment. It's like all these 8 years I was on some parallel road in life, which had a lot of bumps and curves and a lot of driving around in circle in it. It feels now like I've finally found the highway entrance.
I still have challenging times ahead of me. But it's just strong wind I have to make the best out of it. Not build a wall or crawl into a hole, but make the best of it, use it for my voyage.
I have been pushed into situations in life which really dragged out all of my potential I didn't even know I had in me.
This week for example has been very challenging, but it also had huge growing possibilities. And I will have the kids AGAIN this weekend. I don't mind having them, but I'm beaten too....I admit.
With my kids, this week I felt more like a father.... and my nanny has been their mom.
It was good for a change, spending less but really quality time with them, enjoying playing with them and relaxing just by talking to them.
And you know, now that the roles have changed, I realize all I did for my ex, being his support, mother of his kids, cleaning lady, cook, ironing his shirts, buying clothes for him and above all of that, working at the office too.
Damn, he was so ungrateful. He took it so much for granted, and I didn't take any credit for it.
But well....time to move on. This week is almost over, I did a hell of a job, didn't sleep much, didn't spend my time with my kids as much as I wanted to, had to pay a lot of money to people taking care of my kids and ironing my blouses and I'll also have the kids for the weekend.
Tireeeeed...........
Nope...it's those storms, and front wind situations that show us the material we're made from.
And there is a saying..heard it on from that german CEO on the conference: "that in situations when this front wind blows, some people build walls, and some people spread their sails."
In these 100 days, since life made a turn I didn't see coming I've had a strong front wind blowing into me. At first it shocked me, it was so strong and unexpected it almost turned me over. But it didn't.
I made myself small perhaps in the beginning....searching for a shelter. Trembling cold at times too, I admit, it's not easy to be exposed like that. But it's easier to be a leaf than a branch, since resisting the wind of change will occasionaly break you.
So....I said, okay. that's the way it is now. I haven't been prepared for it, but that's how things are now, so let's face them. I faced it. The more I faced it, the more I opened to it, the more I accepted it, the easier it was. I didn't feel like a totally lost person, more like a kite flying on this wind, accepting each direction it will take me, being aware of the fact it can break me in any second, but having so much confidence in life it will take me to someplace better for me.
And it DID.
You know about polarity. About two faces of one thing. So...I think I managed to change the polarity from this thing, and turn a strong front wind into a boosting wind into my back I enjoy flying on.
I made the best of it. It took a lot of being centered, focused, spiritual, believing, having faith in life and Universe and just being patient. And yes... praying too. First for my kids, then for love, then for my ex, then for all of us.
I have never felt so right in life, being in the right place at the right moment. It's like all these 8 years I was on some parallel road in life, which had a lot of bumps and curves and a lot of driving around in circle in it. It feels now like I've finally found the highway entrance.
I still have challenging times ahead of me. But it's just strong wind I have to make the best out of it. Not build a wall or crawl into a hole, but make the best of it, use it for my voyage.
I have been pushed into situations in life which really dragged out all of my potential I didn't even know I had in me.
This week for example has been very challenging, but it also had huge growing possibilities. And I will have the kids AGAIN this weekend. I don't mind having them, but I'm beaten too....I admit.
With my kids, this week I felt more like a father.... and my nanny has been their mom.
It was good for a change, spending less but really quality time with them, enjoying playing with them and relaxing just by talking to them.
And you know, now that the roles have changed, I realize all I did for my ex, being his support, mother of his kids, cleaning lady, cook, ironing his shirts, buying clothes for him and above all of that, working at the office too.
Damn, he was so ungrateful. He took it so much for granted, and I didn't take any credit for it.
But well....time to move on. This week is almost over, I did a hell of a job, didn't sleep much, didn't spend my time with my kids as much as I wanted to, had to pay a lot of money to people taking care of my kids and ironing my blouses and I'll also have the kids for the weekend.
Tireeeeed...........
utorak, 4. prosinca 2007.
Counting
We tend so often to forget how lucky we are. There was this story which went like this:
If we could reduce the world’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographics would look something like this:
60 Asians
12 Europeans
5 US Americans and Canadians
8 Latin Americans
14 Africans
49 would be female
51 would be male
82 would be non-white
18 white
89 heterosexual
11 homosexual
33 would be Christian
67 would be non-Christian
5 would control 32% of the entire world’s wealth, and all of them would be US citizens
80 would live in substandard housing
24 would not have any electricity(And of the 76% that do have electricity, most would only use it for light at night.)
67 would be unable to read
1 (only one) would have a college education.
50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation
33 would be without access to a safe water supply
1 would have HIV
1 near death
2 would be near birth
7 people would have access to the Internet
If to take a look at the world from this condensed perspective,the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes evident.
Think of it!
If you woke up this morning with more health than sickness,you are luckier than the million that will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced a war,
a loneliness of an imprisonment,
an agony of tortures
or a famine
You are happier, than 500 million persons in this world.
If you are able to go to church, mosque or synagogue without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death,you are happier, than 3 billion persons in this world.
If there is a meal in your refrigerator,
if you are dressed and have got shoes,
if you have a bed and a roof above your head,
you are better off, than 75% of people in this world.
If your parents are still alive and still married,then you are a rarity.
If you have a bank account,
money in your purse
and there is some trifle in your coin box,
you belong to 8% of well-provided people in this world.
If you read this text, you are blessed three times as much, because
Someone has thought of you;
You do not belong to those 2 billion people which cannot read
and... you have had your computer!
Someone has told once:
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
Dance like nobody's watching,
Sing like nobody's listening,
Be surprised, like you were born yesterday,
Tell the truth and you don't have to remember anything,
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
This is your World!
And you are able to make changes!
Hasten to do good works!
If we could reduce the world’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographics would look something like this:
60 Asians
12 Europeans
5 US Americans and Canadians
8 Latin Americans
14 Africans
49 would be female
51 would be male
82 would be non-white
18 white
89 heterosexual
11 homosexual
33 would be Christian
67 would be non-Christian
5 would control 32% of the entire world’s wealth, and all of them would be US citizens
80 would live in substandard housing
24 would not have any electricity(And of the 76% that do have electricity, most would only use it for light at night.)
67 would be unable to read
1 (only one) would have a college education.
50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation
33 would be without access to a safe water supply
1 would have HIV
1 near death
2 would be near birth
7 people would have access to the Internet
If to take a look at the world from this condensed perspective,the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes evident.
Think of it!
If you woke up this morning with more health than sickness,you are luckier than the million that will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced a war,
a loneliness of an imprisonment,
an agony of tortures
or a famine
You are happier, than 500 million persons in this world.
If you are able to go to church, mosque or synagogue without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death,you are happier, than 3 billion persons in this world.
If there is a meal in your refrigerator,
if you are dressed and have got shoes,
if you have a bed and a roof above your head,
you are better off, than 75% of people in this world.
If your parents are still alive and still married,then you are a rarity.
If you have a bank account,
money in your purse
and there is some trifle in your coin box,
you belong to 8% of well-provided people in this world.
If you read this text, you are blessed three times as much, because
Someone has thought of you;
You do not belong to those 2 billion people which cannot read
and... you have had your computer!
Someone has told once:
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
Dance like nobody's watching,
Sing like nobody's listening,
Be surprised, like you were born yesterday,
Tell the truth and you don't have to remember anything,
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
This is your World!
And you are able to make changes!
Hasten to do good works!
This is the view from my bedroom window, thought it was a nice sunset, looked even nicer irl. Why I remembered this upper story? Well...I went to buy something for dinner and as I was waiting in line, I saw that cashier woman looking familiar; looked at her name tag and remembered: we went to the same class. And then I looked at her and thought: gee...wow...we both went to med school and now she works as a cashier in here.
I scanned my life from a third persons view in few seconds:
I have a diploma and a doctor's title, a good job, two beautiful kids, nice place to live, I still look quite acceptable, dress nice, can afford all these great things for dinner and a bottle of good red wine which I'll pay without a blink...I was really ashamed for doing so well.
And as I was thinking about a total understatement story like "I'm doing okay" the cashier smiled, I asked if we went to school together and realized this is NOT my classmate.
But it was a good point to stop and count my blessings.
And on the way home, my eyes stopped on a woman's hand....a nice gentle female hand with a golden ring on it. And my first reaction was: oh, she's married, lucky her (something which still remained from this ex relationship of mine).... but then I looked into her face...empty, tired, perhaps even really sick. Hopeless.
So I started thinking...she might be married, but to a really bad guy who doesn't love her and treats her bad, she's totally unhappy...and as for that ring, it doesn't mean a thing to her.
So...I guess I'm quite happy the way I am. I'm quite doing alright. I'm happy for being me and leading my life. Wouldn't like to trade with anyone else in this world. I am really happy. And I should be counting my blessings a lil more often. Like seeing my two angels sleeping like this:
And when I brought my kids into bed and was feeling really tired and exhausted from the day, I thought of someone who didn't sleep, but worked all day and night...has to drive through a strom now for more work and just before that came to spend his precious little time he has just to be with me....and I just thought: wow. And you doubted this guy.
Lucky silly girl.
ponedjeljak, 3. prosinca 2007.
A quiet weekend
It was a nice one and I needed some time for myself only, didn't have a free day for 2 weeks.
So on Saturday I went to the flower market and bought some pine branches to make an Advent wreath. It's a tradition and I do it each year and prefer creating my own instead of buying one someone made....This year will be a bit different since I didn't have the kids around me or anyone, but well...life changes. Thinking of xmas alone was painful at times, but as soon as I had a sad thought, I put double effort in it and replaced it with 5 happy thoughts.
So, yesterday, on the first Advent, I lit up one candle, and sat in front of it, kinda meditating, looking into that flame.
I was listening to "chasing cars" and it didn't take long for tears to start rolling....and well, some real catharsis following....like another layer within that needed to be purified.
Today in the office:
And look how I found my two kids the other day! Playing with my av in 2nd Life...well, dear V. looks like my genes were a lil bit more stronger...ahahahahaha
So on Saturday I went to the flower market and bought some pine branches to make an Advent wreath. It's a tradition and I do it each year and prefer creating my own instead of buying one someone made....This year will be a bit different since I didn't have the kids around me or anyone, but well...life changes. Thinking of xmas alone was painful at times, but as soon as I had a sad thought, I put double effort in it and replaced it with 5 happy thoughts.
So, yesterday, on the first Advent, I lit up one candle, and sat in front of it, kinda meditating, looking into that flame.
I was listening to "chasing cars" and it didn't take long for tears to start rolling....and well, some real catharsis following....like another layer within that needed to be purified.
And I felt an urge to visit that special church I feel a connection to....so I dressed and went there....it felt good...getting comfort, peace, hope....being alone with my own thoughts, directing my thoughts toward a higher self...dunno, pretty sure there is one...
Last time I was there, all I wished for was my kids to be happy....and all of my thoughts went into the direction of their well being. My kids are really fine, and now I think it's time life takes care about the mom too...so this time, from all my being, I asked for LOVE.
I long for it.
And I asked that all fake things, all illusional things just drop off....disintegrate, dissolve....disappear from my life. And I'm totally ready to see the truth, no matter what, even if there is nothing to see there, and my path in front of me is totally an empty road. But I want to see it. I don't want to live in illusions leading nowhere.
So, that was pretty much what I had to share with the Universe...lol
Walked home, really fast....had a lot of thins to clear out of my system...many emotions to clear...and it was okay again. I feel fine today.
Today in the office:
And look how I found my two kids the other day! Playing with my av in 2nd Life...well, dear V. looks like my genes were a lil bit more stronger...ahahahahaha
subota, 1. prosinca 2007.
New dawn fades
Lost inspiration for titles.
And another weekend is the working tittle of this entry, but I think I named one entry like this.
Truth is, yes, another weekend. I'm still adapting. And when I look at the past and the first weekends alone I think I adapted pretty well.
My mom told me she is amazed how good I'm dealing with the whole thing, since she was devastated and didn't recover for months.
Well, sure, I said....I could also crawl into my bed and cry, feeling sorry for myself..but it's not helping. Things are the way they are, so I accepted them and moved on.
I told her, that the most painful thing in this all is that I don't have a place to return to.
As for the change of lifestyle, I see it as a challenge...like coming to a big, huge new city you're in for the first time on totally unknown terrain.
You can:
1. Wander around without a goal, hoping the right way will hit you in the face
2. Sit on a bench, feel pretty much lost and feel sorry for yourself
3. Ask other people for help
4. See it as a challenge, enjoy the surroundings and rely on yourself and your higher self which will guide you through life like many times before
Well, I was always good in finding my own way and big cities never managed to scare me. I know I speak the language, I know I'm a smart grown up woman, I know I still have the options 1-3 left.
Sooo...
Not scared at all. Actually enjoying the foreign terrain.
I'm also proud of how I managed to cut my own expenses, without my kids feeling any change.
For me luxury wasn't all those nice shiny things....those things are dangerous. Because when you are on top, driving in your fancy new car, you tend to look to other people from above, feel superior.
To me, luxury was in little things, like buying good quality make up and cosmetics in duty free shops, getting my nails done by a proffessional, having a professional nanny instead putting my kids into nursery, having a household help who'll do the ironing while I can take my kids out to a park...etc.
Now I iron on a saturday morning, instead of meeting my friends for coffee or just go for a walk.
Now I clean my house while playing with kids.
My nails are now cut short, I dyed my hair myself yesterday (and forgot about it because I did it with Dominik running around, so it's really really dark now, lol) and well, lol....it's all fine.
You know, I used to listen to this Norah Jones song
-----
Carnival town
Round 'n' round Carousel
Has got you under it's spell
Moving so fast... but
Going nowhere
Up 'n' down Ferris wheel
Tell me how does it feel
To be so high...
Looking down here
Is it lonely?
Lonely Lonely Lonely
Did the clown
Make you smile
He was only your fool for a while
Now he's gone back home
And left you wandering there
Is it lonely?
Lonely Lonely Lonely
-------
It was.
And now I'd rather be on ground and walk with someone through a park, hand in hand....feel the ground and the dry leaves under me, his warm hand in mine, his warm look and smile meant just for me, and just being happy.
And another weekend is the working tittle of this entry, but I think I named one entry like this.
Truth is, yes, another weekend. I'm still adapting. And when I look at the past and the first weekends alone I think I adapted pretty well.
My mom told me she is amazed how good I'm dealing with the whole thing, since she was devastated and didn't recover for months.
Well, sure, I said....I could also crawl into my bed and cry, feeling sorry for myself..but it's not helping. Things are the way they are, so I accepted them and moved on.
I told her, that the most painful thing in this all is that I don't have a place to return to.
As for the change of lifestyle, I see it as a challenge...like coming to a big, huge new city you're in for the first time on totally unknown terrain.
You can:
1. Wander around without a goal, hoping the right way will hit you in the face
2. Sit on a bench, feel pretty much lost and feel sorry for yourself
3. Ask other people for help
4. See it as a challenge, enjoy the surroundings and rely on yourself and your higher self which will guide you through life like many times before
Well, I was always good in finding my own way and big cities never managed to scare me. I know I speak the language, I know I'm a smart grown up woman, I know I still have the options 1-3 left.
Sooo...
Not scared at all. Actually enjoying the foreign terrain.
I'm also proud of how I managed to cut my own expenses, without my kids feeling any change.
For me luxury wasn't all those nice shiny things....those things are dangerous. Because when you are on top, driving in your fancy new car, you tend to look to other people from above, feel superior.
To me, luxury was in little things, like buying good quality make up and cosmetics in duty free shops, getting my nails done by a proffessional, having a professional nanny instead putting my kids into nursery, having a household help who'll do the ironing while I can take my kids out to a park...etc.
Now I iron on a saturday morning, instead of meeting my friends for coffee or just go for a walk.
Now I clean my house while playing with kids.
My nails are now cut short, I dyed my hair myself yesterday (and forgot about it because I did it with Dominik running around, so it's really really dark now, lol) and well, lol....it's all fine.
You know, I used to listen to this Norah Jones song
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Carnival town
Round 'n' round Carousel
Has got you under it's spell
Moving so fast... but
Going nowhere
Up 'n' down Ferris wheel
Tell me how does it feel
To be so high...
Looking down here
Is it lonely?
Lonely Lonely Lonely
Did the clown
Make you smile
He was only your fool for a while
Now he's gone back home
And left you wandering there
Is it lonely?
Lonely Lonely Lonely
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It was.
And now I'd rather be on ground and walk with someone through a park, hand in hand....feel the ground and the dry leaves under me, his warm hand in mine, his warm look and smile meant just for me, and just being happy.
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