New dawn fades

Lost inspiration for titles.

And another weekend is the working tittle of this entry, but I think I named one entry like this.

Truth is, yes, another weekend. I'm still adapting. And when I look at the past and the first weekends alone I think I adapted pretty well.
My mom told me she is amazed how good I'm dealing with the whole thing, since she was devastated and didn't recover for months.

Well, sure, I said....I could also crawl into my bed and cry, feeling sorry for myself..but it's not helping. Things are the way they are, so I accepted them and moved on.
I told her, that the most painful thing in this all is that I don't have a place to return to.

As for the change of lifestyle, I see it as a challenge...like coming to a big, huge new city you're in for the first time on totally unknown terrain.
You can:
1. Wander around without a goal, hoping the right way will hit you in the face
2. Sit on a bench, feel pretty much lost and feel sorry for yourself
3. Ask other people for help
4. See it as a challenge, enjoy the surroundings and rely on yourself and your higher self which will guide you through life like many times before

Well, I was always good in finding my own way and big cities never managed to scare me. I know I speak the language, I know I'm a smart grown up woman, I know I still have the options 1-3 left.

Sooo...
Not scared at all. Actually enjoying the foreign terrain.
I'm also proud of how I managed to cut my own expenses, without my kids feeling any change.

For me luxury wasn't all those nice shiny things....those things are dangerous. Because when you are on top, driving in your fancy new car, you tend to look to other people from above, feel superior.
To me, luxury was in little things, like buying good quality make up and cosmetics in duty free shops, getting my nails done by a proffessional, having a professional nanny instead putting my kids into nursery, having a household help who'll do the ironing while I can take my kids out to a park...etc.

Now I iron on a saturday morning, instead of meeting my friends for coffee or just go for a walk.
Now I clean my house while playing with kids.
My nails are now cut short, I dyed my hair myself yesterday (and forgot about it because I did it with Dominik running around, so it's really really dark now, lol) and well, lol....it's all fine.

You know, I used to listen to this Norah Jones song

-----
Carnival town

Round 'n' round Carousel
Has got you under it's spell
Moving so fast... but
Going nowhere
Up 'n' down Ferris wheel
Tell me how does it feel
To be so high...
Looking down here
Is it lonely?
Lonely Lonely Lonely

Did the clown
Make you smile
He was only your fool for a while
Now he's gone back home
And left you wandering there
Is it lonely?
Lonely Lonely Lonely
-------

It was.


And now I'd rather be on ground and walk with someone through a park, hand in hand....feel the ground and the dry leaves under me, his warm hand in mine, his warm look and smile meant just for me, and just being happy.